Your face is a jimmy john
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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