I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just tell him i said nine months
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
