saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
