I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
