Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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