I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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