JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
