Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my shit smells like andre
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
