so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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