they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
