There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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