Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
