My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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