OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
