shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
