Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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