party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
