Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
