Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
