You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
