I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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