Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
