i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
