you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
