my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
should my penis look like a turkey
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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