opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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