I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
