My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
