i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
