I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
