You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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