So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
