You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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