from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
