Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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