need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
