Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
