no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
