This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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