I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
