im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
