he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
