last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
