Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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