And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
