so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
