Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
