Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
