The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
