I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
