Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
