cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
