dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
