I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
