My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
