Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Hippo gnu deer
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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