I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
