I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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