I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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