i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
