is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
