He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
