Moan for me like Helen Keller
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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