I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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