I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
