im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
