we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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