i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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