Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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