i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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