last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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