Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I will be naked everywhere
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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