got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
